| The Unicorn Museum presents a "walk through history." Designed by a former director of the Arkham Asylum, this state-of-the-art 60,000 square foot museum brings the truth about unicorns to life. A
fully engaging, sensory experience for guests. Murals, photos and realistic
scenery, computer-generated visual effects, over fifty examples of petrified
unicorn droppings, life-sized knights and virgins with unicorn animatronics,
and a special-effects theater complete with misty forest breezes, unicorn-smell
and rumbling seats. These are just some of the impressive exhibits that
everyone in your family will enjoy. And
afterwards, try the Yummy Unicorn Burgers (real horse meat) |
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You say that unicorns were made when God created the world 6000 years ago? Of course. Along with all the other beasts of the earth. But we rarely see them today. What happened? Well, there have been sightings, but they are indeed rare. It took me and my team of devoted biblical scholars many years to find out what happened, because the scriptures do not reveal all the details. As you know, Noah's Ark came to rest at the mountains of Ararat. And there, on our expedition to the mountain top, we found a little plank. A piece of the Ark, no doubt. A remarkable finding, which you can see here in this museum. Of course, we had a close look at it. And you found... Nothing. Excuse
me? Which means? Isn't that obvious? If you had a unicorn on your Ark, what would you expect? Horse dung? Scratches! The Ark was extremely crowded, that's for sure, and ever so often a unicorn would have scratched the walls... I see. But on this holy piece of wood, we did not find any such marks. There is only one possible explanation: The unicorns were not on board when Noah launched the Ark. So, the unicorns did not survive the flood? Of course they did. There have been numerous reports by many pious and trustworthy people who have seen unicorns. But how did they survive? Well, since they were not allowed to enter the Ark, there was only one way: They had to swim. But for how long? Noah reached the Mount Ararat after 150 days, as you too would have remembered, if you had studied the holy scriptures as carefully as I did. And the unicorns spend all that time following the Ark in the water? Indeed, they did. But of course they were lucky. Noah felt pity when he saw these poor creatures, and so he threw a lasso. Noah had a lasso? Yes. We found a piece of that rope, too. It's all here in the museum.The rope wrapped itself around the unicorns' horns, Noah fixed it, and so they couldn't drown. And that's how they survived the flood... But why don't we see them any longer these days? Isn't that obvious? God had not wanted these creatures to survive or else He would have given them a place on the Ark. When they survived the flood they acted against the will of God! What would you do if the wrath of God were upon you? Run away? Hide! Hide, so that neither the Lord nor any living creature will ever see you again! Oh yes! Suddenly it all makes sense.... Of course it does. Unicorns are real. And they are hiding from the face of their creator. Look at all the things we have collected here: Wood from the Ark, Noah's lasso, even a rhinoceros-sized unicorn skeleton! How could anyone ever doubt this giant heap of ... evidence? |
"It
looked like a horse, it smelled like a horse, but deep in my heart I
knew it was a unicorn. "
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Note: This site has inspired another Unicorn Museum site, provided by the excellent science radio podcast This Week in Science.
Any similarities to other sites with even more ridiculous claims than the existence of Unicorns are not necessarily coincidental.